3 month update:
We have had our new addition in our family for 4 months now. What a fast paced 4 months it has been! In that time frame, we have decided to open up an in home preschool (to utilize my teaching degree), engage in the process of looking for a home, and purchase a home. How strange to suddenly have debt now, and quite a large chunk of debt at that! We feel completely at peace about this "mortgage debt," and in fact feel quite blessed to have it. Instead of sleeping in a living room on a twin bed , our son has now upgraded to an actual bedroom on a full size bed. He is living the good life! He's pretty content no matter what, in actuality. He's non-materialistic like that. We're blessed.
We have been struggling to find alone time as a newly married couple. Trying to balance our time with one another, opening a business, unpacking our home, and helping our teenager find his identity has been quite a challenge. I'd like to talk a little bit about our teen's struggle for a second, though, to help those on the outside understand what it's like to be him. He was raised in his biological family unit for his first 15 years and 2 months of his life. He has the inherited traits from both of his parents, and the acquired traits from the parent who raised him. Then, he moves into a new family unit. One that does not resemble his previous family unit (size/race/gender/rule/affection/communication wise) in any way, shape, or form. So, in his case the whole "nature versus nurture" issue that hits most adopted children doesn't even come into play. We had no part in his raising. We had no part in his genetics. At this point in the game, we're simply trying to help him adjust to his new life and assist him in making sense of all that has happened in his past. He's having an identity crisis that is unlike many adopted teenagers. He isn't trying to figure out what his biological parents looked like, if he resembles them in any way, or where his biological family is. He knows the answers to all of that. He is trying to figure out where he fits into this world now. He's attempting to escape his past. He's attempting to separate all that he knows about this world into categories of "TRUE" and "FALSE." Not only that, but he is having to relearn almost everything that he taught himself in the past in order to do it in a more productive or socially acceptable way. For example: How to shower.
We're doing quite well on the bonding front. We all love each other. But, as any family unit struggles we do as well. So, all that I can ask of anyone is that they pray for us. They pray for our strength as parents, they pray for grace to readily abound in our family, and they pray for our son. For his relationship with Christ, for his mental health, his educational progress, his emotional turmoil, and his coping mechanisms.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
The Beginning
We have failed to share an abundance of information concerning our new family structure online for many reasons. At this point in time, however, we feel comfortable being a little more transparent.
This year, I joyfully became Mr.'s wife! We met at a pre-mission trip meeting in February of 2010, and from that point forward we experienced a strong friendship that is still standing (and growing!) today.
We had discussed wanting a family, but delaying the addition of a baby for a few years while we got our finances in order. We wanted me to be a stay-at-home-Mom for any little children we might have naturally or adopt, and we still want that. So, after I graduated from college I became an employed wife and he remained an employed husband. We lived solely off of my husband's income, and put away my paychecks for a down payment on our dream home. We suspected that God was calling us to this dream home within the first couple of years of marriage.
Tiny backstory: My husband had been involved in a ministry group for boys in a low income area for many, many years. In 2010, they decided to individually mentor some of the boys. My husband became a mentor to our son who he had known for 4 years at this point. This was sometime in late 2010, though I can't quite remember when. I clearly remember meeting our son for the first time, though, and being delighted by his humility and interest in learning about the Lord. We had weekly dinners in my home and the boys would discuss various questions he had about life and study the Bible together. They were a good fit from the beginning in many areas. One area being that both of them had uninvolved Father's, which was visited quite a bit at the beginning. Our son was still trying to wrap his heart and mind around his Father's incarceration. Though he had never truly experienced a Father's love, he longed for that. The first step was getting him to long for our Heavenly Father's love. That was all that could really be provided for him at that point in time. We had no idea he would be joining our family in the future.
3 months into our marriage (July 2011) a prayer request had been answered. We had been praying that there would be a way to bring up gaining guardianship of our son to his Mother. She did not like that we were spending so much time with him, and made an offhand comment stating, "Well, why don't they just adopt you then!" He told us what she said, and we said, "We would love that." It became a relay game at that point of she said this, they said this. So, my husband had a sit down meeting with our son's first mother, her boyfriend, and his 3rd sister. The original agreement was that we could have him for the remainder of the summer. Yippee! We felt such happiness!
Soon after that, we were to leave on our honeymoon. We had arranged for our son to stay at relatives home, but he felt called by God to go to his Mother's. We felt extremely proud that he would be so willing to follow God. In the middle of our honeymoon, we received a hysterical phone call that our son would not be coming back with us. To say the least, I was extremely heartbroken. I sent out many, many prayer requests. I knew God had heard our cries because we went to pick up our son that very next day we were back in town.
We had a sit down meeting again with his biological family. His Mother has essentially given him to us without hesitation. Obviously, there are many parts of this story left out and some of the details are vague. That is purposefully done. I hope you'll be understanding of that.
Our son has been used as a pawn and neglected for the majority of his life. As a means to get government assistance and in a variety of other ways. He has lived in extreme filth with a lack of adequate nutrition, education, healthcare, and love. He has told my husband that he loves his new family, but sometimes it still feels like a dream. He is nervous that he will have to go back. All that can heal his uncertainty in the end is prayer. God will heal his wounds and He will be a mighty warrior of God. I am sure of it.
As far as we go, we are filled with such joy and love that it's hard to explain. This child is nothing short of a blessing from the Lord. We are enjoying the ups and downs of parenting, and find quite a few of them comical. We know many have had concerns over our finances. The Lord provides for those that follow Him. We believed that before, but after experiencing what we have experienced in this short amount of time we believe that 500% now. We have experienced no financial hardships and are doing just as well as we were before, if not better. In fact, we haven't strayed from the original plan that was instigated at the beginning of our marriage.
THE LORD WILL PROVIDE!
That really should be our family's motto.
Page Counters
This year, I joyfully became Mr.'s wife! We met at a pre-mission trip meeting in February of 2010, and from that point forward we experienced a strong friendship that is still standing (and growing!) today.
We had discussed wanting a family, but delaying the addition of a baby for a few years while we got our finances in order. We wanted me to be a stay-at-home-Mom for any little children we might have naturally or adopt, and we still want that. So, after I graduated from college I became an employed wife and he remained an employed husband. We lived solely off of my husband's income, and put away my paychecks for a down payment on our dream home. We suspected that God was calling us to this dream home within the first couple of years of marriage.
Tiny backstory: My husband had been involved in a ministry group for boys in a low income area for many, many years. In 2010, they decided to individually mentor some of the boys. My husband became a mentor to our son who he had known for 4 years at this point. This was sometime in late 2010, though I can't quite remember when. I clearly remember meeting our son for the first time, though, and being delighted by his humility and interest in learning about the Lord. We had weekly dinners in my home and the boys would discuss various questions he had about life and study the Bible together. They were a good fit from the beginning in many areas. One area being that both of them had uninvolved Father's, which was visited quite a bit at the beginning. Our son was still trying to wrap his heart and mind around his Father's incarceration. Though he had never truly experienced a Father's love, he longed for that. The first step was getting him to long for our Heavenly Father's love. That was all that could really be provided for him at that point in time. We had no idea he would be joining our family in the future.
3 months into our marriage (July 2011) a prayer request had been answered. We had been praying that there would be a way to bring up gaining guardianship of our son to his Mother. She did not like that we were spending so much time with him, and made an offhand comment stating, "Well, why don't they just adopt you then!" He told us what she said, and we said, "We would love that." It became a relay game at that point of she said this, they said this. So, my husband had a sit down meeting with our son's first mother, her boyfriend, and his 3rd sister. The original agreement was that we could have him for the remainder of the summer. Yippee! We felt such happiness!
Soon after that, we were to leave on our honeymoon. We had arranged for our son to stay at relatives home, but he felt called by God to go to his Mother's. We felt extremely proud that he would be so willing to follow God. In the middle of our honeymoon, we received a hysterical phone call that our son would not be coming back with us. To say the least, I was extremely heartbroken. I sent out many, many prayer requests. I knew God had heard our cries because we went to pick up our son that very next day we were back in town.
We had a sit down meeting again with his biological family. His Mother has essentially given him to us without hesitation. Obviously, there are many parts of this story left out and some of the details are vague. That is purposefully done. I hope you'll be understanding of that.
Our son has been used as a pawn and neglected for the majority of his life. As a means to get government assistance and in a variety of other ways. He has lived in extreme filth with a lack of adequate nutrition, education, healthcare, and love. He has told my husband that he loves his new family, but sometimes it still feels like a dream. He is nervous that he will have to go back. All that can heal his uncertainty in the end is prayer. God will heal his wounds and He will be a mighty warrior of God. I am sure of it.
As far as we go, we are filled with such joy and love that it's hard to explain. This child is nothing short of a blessing from the Lord. We are enjoying the ups and downs of parenting, and find quite a few of them comical. We know many have had concerns over our finances. The Lord provides for those that follow Him. We believed that before, but after experiencing what we have experienced in this short amount of time we believe that 500% now. We have experienced no financial hardships and are doing just as well as we were before, if not better. In fact, we haven't strayed from the original plan that was instigated at the beginning of our marriage.
THE LORD WILL PROVIDE!
That really should be our family's motto.
Page Counters
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